kismaayo:

job interviewer: so…tell me a little about yourself :)
me: sure. i’m a virgo, INTJ, i love tank tops oh my god did you see the Anaconda video? that changed my life!
interviewer: bitch me too! the fuck. you got the job

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terezipyroope:

person: u should like more colours

me: image

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dr-watsons-lover:

everystoryneedsavillain:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Dear me Mr. Holmes

What happened to you?

Deserting your friends

And “taking” your life

You’ve made quite a mess

And caused lots of strife

And your little friend John

What about him

Without you

He looks quite grim

So think very hard

Before you return

Not everyone can handle

That kind of burn

Dear me Mr. Holmes

Does my name ring a bell?

That day you faked your death

I faked mine as well.

-JM

*Hyperventilates*

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nippletowns:

when someone suprises you with a picture and you actually look good

image

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railroadsoftware:

person: so what have you been up to
me: (speaking very humble) well, I just got some new carpet.. it’s plush…
person: (trying not to sound envious) pl… plush? wow. I hear thats the nicest of all carpets
me: oh it’s nothing..

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*unbaes you*

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nigeah:

lifewithcoco:

bellecosby:

White person: I love your hair!!
Me: *takes a step back* Thank you!

Bahahaha!

fareal

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wastery:

Me :

image

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